Outer space will, if Russia has anything to do with it. The Phobos-Grunt mission (grunt meaning “soil” in Russian), if approved by RosCosmos, will send crustaceans, African mosquito larvae, bacteria and fungi for a three-year round trip in October to the Martian moon, Phobos, to study the affects of space radiation on living organisms, whilst collecting surface soil samples to bring back for analysis. Those poor souls had better say goodbye to their loved ones like they mean it, because it’s not like the Russians have enjoyed what you’d call a “successful” career in space. To be honest, I don’t really get why the crabs agreed to go to space in the first place. Maybe they’re trying to escape the otters. Maybe it’s because they know the Russians are going to fuck it up, which means they can die, go to heaven and get some kickass shiny harp, then ask Crabgod if they can please return to Earth just this once so they can say goodbye to all their crab friends at some crab dance, but then accidentally leave said shiny harp behind in all the commotion of being resurrected, and afterwards, back in heaven, when Crabgod’s all, “What the fuck?” they can be like, “I left my harp in Sand Crabs’ disco…”.
- bec
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